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Flask Cigarette 2 Flask Cigarette

Cigarette, Whiskey and blonde.

Funny story (1) Cigarette, Whiskey and blonde..

One day a man, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship.” And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.

Suddenly, there emerged from the surf a figure wearing a black wet suit.

The swimmer put aside the scuba up to the stunned man and said to him, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. “Wonderful!” said the man, “that’s so good! I’d almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!”

“And how long has it been since you’ve had a drop of good Scotch whisky?” asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, “Ten years.”

Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve and unzipped a pocket. Then she removed a flask and handed it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. “It is nectar!” exclaimed the man.

“It is truly fantastic!!!”

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked,

“And how long has it been since you played around?”

With tears in his eyes, the man fell to his knees and sobbed, “Have mercy, woman! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there, too!”

Funny story (2) Gimme

A young man, his father and grandfather were about to tee off to start their round when an incredibly goof-looking woman walked up to the tee box.

“Would you like to join us and make a foursome?” asked the grandfather.

“I would, but on one condition,” replied the lovely young woman, “I prefer to select my own clubs and make my own putts without advice from men. Every other time I’ve golfed with men, they try to give me advice. Will you agree not to give me advice?”

The men all consented in unison, none of them being particularly good players.

As they soon realized, this young woman was a fabulous golfer. She was getting par on every hole. The men were wondering who would have the nerve to give her advice!

On the eighteenth hole, the woman found herself facing a 35-foot putt, with a severe undulation on the green. She studied it, and studied it, and studied it.

Finally, she said, “Gentlemen, I’m very happy that none of you tried to give me advice before this. I’ve never played a round with men when at least one of them didn’t try to give me some advice. Right now, if I make this putt, I’ll have par for the course, and I’m asking for your advice. If you help me and I make this shot, I’ll sleep with each one of you!”

The young man rushed over, studied the putt, and said, “You have to aim for that small bush to the left of the hole. That should be the right break!”

The father ran over and studied the putt, then said, “No, I think you should aim at the knot on the log to the left of the hole, and that will be the right break!”

The grandfather walked up to the ball. “Heck,” he said, calmly picking up the ball, “that’s a gimme.”

About the Author

Common mistake young players make - if they hit the ball hard they think it will go far.

Aesop Rock - Water